back home, where the cold winds blow.

12/18/2012




I feel like writing a lot tonight. Feel like expressing my inner thoughts. And I haven't been writing this much for a long time, too. So, probably, it's a payback.

Have been back home in Lithuania for approximately a week. It's quite cozy here, but sadly it does not feel like home that much anymore sometimes. Maybe because of this feeling that grows inside of me. A little tiny feeling of wanting to grow up. At least a bit. To have my own home. To share it with whom I love. Maybe because of some words that come towards me that I have not expected. Maybe because I untied myself when I left for the first time. And now this place is never gonna be the same. All I have left are memories. Of being safe and sound, not caring about a single thing in the world while lying in my cozy bed at lazy Sunday mornings. Not caring that much about future that was yet to come, just hanging around the corner. Not caring about my further life or about the amount of food in the fridge.

But, after all, I'm happy to come back. It's like a relief. Though not everything may stay the same all the time, I know that something that will remain. It's family. And a few people in my life that I can fully trust. I came to realization that maybe I wanted to run away too much. Maybe I didn't appreciate what was given to me. The friendships. The quality of life. But at least I see it now.

I see that I am happy after all. Not to hold grudge against anyone, especially the closest people, is a right decision, but holding the ones that are precious to you close is even a better one. 'Cause time is ticking away. And I don't know when I'm gonna see them again.

Life here still seems kind of weird. Maybe because of hearing people speaking Russian. Or maybe because you have to throw cans away. Maybe because prices in markets seem kind of low comparing to the ones in DK. Anyway, weird is something that you can get used to, but I won't waste my time on writing here anymore, 'cause when I see the blasting fireworks everywhere. I'll know that soon will come time to go.

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